I Am Not Waiting

There was a time

when silence felt like a verdict.

When an unanswered message

could tilt the axis of my day.

When love meant leaning forward,

hands outstretched,

hoping someone would choose to hold them.

I no longer live there.

Now I send words like birds 

released without tracking their return.

If they circle back,

I nod in gratitude.

If they disappear into sky,

I remain whole.

I once mistook intensity for destiny.

Mistook longing for depth.

Mistook being needed for being loved.

But healing is a quiet teacher.

It does not shout.

It removes urgency.

I have learned that

to be someone’s safe place

is not a promise of forever.

It is a reflection of my capacity.

He trusted me

in a world where he trusts very few.

That is not a chain.

That is a compliment.

And I can hold that gently

without gripping it.

When he said life was heavy,

I did not rush to lift it.

I did not offer my shoulders as solution.

I offered calm.

Because I know now 

strength is not built by being rescued.

It is forged in the quiet decision

to rise on your own.

I have faith in him

because I have faith in myself.

I have survived storms

that once convinced me I would drown.

I have rebuilt bones

that bent for love.

And now I stand upright.

I do not need to be chosen

to feel valuable.

I do not need to be pursued

to feel seen.

If he remembers me as safety,

that is enough.

If he never reaches again,

that is also enough.

I am not waiting.

I am living.

And when love comes again 

it will not arrive like fire.

It will arrive like still water.

Clear.

Steady.

Unthreatening.

I will protect that love fiercely.

Not from jealousy,

but from confusion.

Not from insecurity,

but from divided loyalties.

The next man who stands beside me

will not compete with ghosts.

He will not wonder where my heart resides.

It will be here.

Fully.

Calmly.

Unsplit.

I no longer love from hunger.

I love from abundance.

And abundance does not chase.

It opens its hands

and continues walking.